The Cat and the Crawfish

I defy anyone to watch this video and not end up whistling a certain tune that shall not be named for the rest of the day. Enjoy! I love that the dog is completely uninterested in everything going on around him.

Curious signage

It's now been a little over two weeks since I started my new job. Every day, on my way to and from my desk when I come in or leave work, I've seen this sign on a door in the hallway on the way out of my building. Every day, at least 4 times a day, I've wondered an Oubliette is. Finally, last night, as I was leaving the building, the door to the Oubiette was left ajar and a discovered....

A dark closet that appeared to be a combination janitor's/old junk closet. And so I finally decided to try to figure out what an Oubliette is. Once I did, the name on the closet made perfect nerd sense. So as to not spoil anyone else's fun, I'll leave the exercise of determining what it means to my few, sparse readers. Best of luck.

Not your next car

While I've been waiting for the relocation company to ship me my car, I've had a rental car. A very nice perk, if I do say so myself. However, my friendly neighborhood car rental company gave me a Ford Focus. Let me preface the rest of my post by saying that I have no agenda against Ford. I've owned a Ford Explorer that I dearly loved. However, the 2008 Ford Focus is simply not a well designed vehicle.

So as I was instant messaging with a friend tonight, I made the claim that I could think of at least 5 things about the car that really bothered me. Then I decided to find out if I really could. So, here they are, my five primary complaints about the 2008 Ford Focus:

5. The windshield wiper controls. Again, I'm just not sure what engineering was thinking about on this one. Virtually every car I've driven, foreign or domestic for the last 10 years has had the exact same control system for turning on your wipers. Ford decided to mix it up on the focus. Everything is the opposite of what you expect. Up is down and down is up. To speed up the wipers, you turn a knob on the control stick towards you instead of away.

4. This is nothing new for Ford, but instead of putting your headlights on your turn signal, they still insist on a separate knob clear up on the left side of the dashboard. Again, why are you persisting in being different from almost every other car maker?

3. The rearview mirror is very very stiff. When I try to adjust it, i feel like I might accidentally rip it off the windshield if I'm not careful. I don't want a floppy mirror, but I do want some ease of adjustment.

2. One of my more common complaints about cars...the cup holders. They are positioned in the center console toward the front. However, when I tried to put a large soda from a famous fast food chain in the holder, it was too tall. The cup leaned to the side and dumped several ounces onto the shoddy floor mats.

2a. The cup holders come with rubber liners that you can remove for easy cleaning. Good idea, right? Not in this case. They stick to the cups they hold so you end up picking up your drink and a rubber sleeve. But because the sleeve only fits into the cup holder in precisely one position, its impossible to put your drink back into the cup holder.

1. Special guest complaint by my wife--the turn signal is loud. Very loud. As in if I'm driving home and talking to my wife on the phone she complains about how annoying it is. So loud that when she came to visit me last weekend, we took her rental car (2008 Pontiac Grand Prix) out several times just to avoid it. It makes me imagine the following conversation between two Ford engineers:

Nerdy engineer #1: On my way in this morning I got stuck behind some lame-o who changed lanes and never turned off his blinker.

Nerdy engineer #2: You know, for the new Focus, we should make it so it is really hard for a driver to leave his on.

Nerdy engineer #1: Good idea...I've heard of some car manufacturers creating an alarm where if it is on for very long while the car is in motion, it will alert you.

Nerdy engineer #2: Hmmm...we don't want to worry about patent infringement. Let's come up with a blinker that is really loud all the time, even if you are waiting at a red light.

Nerdy engineer #1: Sounds good. But couldn't that lead to a safety issue if it annoys drivers too much? We don't want to really piss off our own drivers...

Nerdy engineer #2: We have a scheduled break in 2 minutes...let's just put the damn thing in and go get our coffee.

So, what is good about the car? The stereo is pretty decent. I think it's not a horrible looking car--except for the hideous shade of blue they stuck me with. In another color, it might be an okay looking car. And I guess at a MSRP of $14,375, its not a very expensive car. Just be prepared to be annoyed.

Also, I just thought of one more annoyance, also courtesy of my wife. Most cars these days have an alarm to remind you to fasten your seatbelt if you are driving. Ford took it one additional annoying step by beeping if the passenger has decided not to fasten her seatbelt. I didn't know whether to be more annoyed at Ford or at my wife for this one, but it really does grate on you. I'm all for safety, but driver annoyance should not be the method for implementing safe practices in a vehicle.

Drive safely. Also, don't be like Catherine and drive too quickly.

Sweetest...Dessert....Ever

Today I had the pleasure to try the most ridiculously sweet dessert ever known to man...or at least to this man. I went to a meeting and one of the snack options was a Harry & David Christmas Tree Cheesecake. It was an experience like no other.

My only complaint was about the presentation. I thought it looked like a Little Debbie Christmas snack cake. As soon as I picked it up, though, I knew something was different. It was cool to the touch and clearly had a hard chocolate coating.

It was love at first bite (not funny, I know). But I was thrilled when instead of a sub-par cake filling that you would expect from a Little Debbie, it was a moist, sweet piece of raspberry cheesecake.

My recommendation? If you can stomach the price tag ($32.95 for 9), give these a try. One tree is more than sufficient for a dessert. Order here.

NBA is craptastic!

Most of those near and dear to me know that I am not a big fan of the National Basketball Association. Tonight I tried to watch a few minutes of a game on ESPN and had to turn it off after just a few minutes. So tonight, in honor of the Association, I'm going to lay out why I don't like the NBA.

1. The way games are officiated. I hate that superstars "get calls" and everyone in the arena knows it, from the fans to the players to the refs. Kobe got brushed on the forearm? Foul! KG ran into someone on the follow through of a shot? Better head to the foul line. Some second round draft pick on his way to the basket gets massacred by Shaq? No whistle there--it's the rookie's fault for being so sucky.

1a. The jump-step. I've still never heard a compelling case as for how this isn't travelling. It does look cool, but what the heck?

2. Almost every team runs the same play over and over. Player X gets possesion of the ball on one side of the court. All other players on X's team head to other side of key. The isolation play is b-o-r-i-n-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh sorry, I mean "g".

3. Posting up. I hate that everyone on the team except for whoever happens to have the ball sits around the top of the key waiting for something to pass them the ball for an open three pointer. Of course you're open--you are a seven foot tall lerp who should be playing 5 feet from the basket, not 22 feet away!

4. The pay scale. Apparently, I'm not the only one who hates this. Just for fun, I created the following chart. It shows an interesting relationship between the average salary for an NBA player (adjusted for inflation) vs. the average NBA finals rating. Tell me if you don't see two very different relationships.

5. The unbelievable stupidity and arrogance of certain players (think Stephon Marbury).

5. I'm sure I could think of more reasons, but I need to go check out the MLB and NFL sections on ESPN. Maybe there will be some sort of sporting news I care about. Oooh, it looks like John Beck will start for the 'phins this Sunday!

Top 10

Things to love about Oregon:
1. No sales tax!
2. Full service gas only. (I will admit this one is still a little strange to me. It makes you feel a little lazy sitting in your car while someone else operates controls so simple that in most states teenagers can do it.)
3. Bike lanes everywhere--even though I am without a bike at the moment.
4. The sales tax is 0%
5. No traffic whatsoever--at least here in Medford.
6. Oregon Trail--the greatest educational computer game ever. And yes, I'm calling you out, Carmen Sandiego. No kid actually wants to try to track down obscure geographical trivia in order to chase after some dilettante in a floppy red hat. Also, it was endlessly frustrating to chase after Ms. Sandiego only to end up capturing some vile henchman. However, the TV show did have a great theme song. In fact, just thinking about it has made the song stuck in my head for at least an hour.

Give me Oregon Trail instead. Give me random illnesses. Give me dead oxen. And above all, give me a loss of most of my supplies from trying to float a dangerous river crossing! That's a real educational game!
7. Great weather--no ground snow in the winter, or at least so I've been told
8. Lighted street signs--while these are far from omnipresent, I've seen enough to be won over. It makes a world of difference just looking up and clearly being able to read the intersecting road, rather than having to slow down and look for which corner the road sign is on, then squinting to make it out in the dim streetlight.
9. Did I mention how everything is about 6.5% cheaper because there is no sales tax?
10. From my current apartment, all of the following are less than 10 minutes away:
Barnes & Noble
Fred Meyer
Applebee's
Quizno's
Subway
Ross
Taco Bell
and many more...oh, and did I mention that they are less than a 10 minute walk away? In 10 minutes I could drive to almost every store or restaurant imaginable.

Something I won't miss about Utah

Today I was out in my driveway filling some cracks. I know, I know...you are all thinking, "my, what an exciting life you live!"

As I was working, some neighbor kids from a few doors down across the street were running back and forth between their house and their friends' house next door. I don't remember what prompted the outburst, but at one point the two-year old girl blurted out, "oh my heck!"

Even though I have occasionally caught myself using this expression, I can't stand it. Maybe even loathe it. Sometimes you might say I detest it. Mostly though, I just don't like it whatsoever. And for a two-year old girl to be saying it--oh my heck! that is just ridiculous. What the fetch is wrong with her parents to teach her such naughty language?